It’s no secret that the United States feels more divided than ever. Our country’s current political environment is highly polarized. Democrats and Republicans are deeply divided on key issues, and the upcoming presidential election is adding fuel to an already raging fire. Partisan media and social media echo chambers amplify these differences, making compromise–let alone room for disagreement–increasingly rare.
Sadly, these divisions extend far beyond the political arena. Other things like economic inequality, cultural differences, and our own personal biases turn an already contentious environment into a real pressure cooker, affecting our everyday interactions and personal relationships.
Although many of the issues that currently divide us are complex, the solution is simple. In order to find common ground, we must change the way we communicate with one another.
After all, communication is the foundation of our lives and at the core of every one of our interactions. Here’s the thing, though. Although communication is a critical life skill, it is also one that all too often is minimized and undervalued.
Believe it or not, every interaction we have–big or small–is significant. And every single one of us has the power to positively influence those interactions.
OK, I know what you may be thinking: Changing the way we communicate doesn’t sound particularly easy. Yes, it takes intentionality and a commitment to put aside our insatiable need to be right. But it is, without a doubt, something we all can do. No prerequisite skills required. Promise.
Let’s take a closer look.
We all know communication, both verbal and non-verbal (eye rolls, shoulder shrugs, certain middle finger gestures, I’m looking at you!) enable us to express our feelings, needs and ideas. But communication is about much more than that. It’s about actively listening and validating the thoughts and feelings expressed rather than simply talking past one another.
By doing so, you are able to forge a psychologically safe space for another person to enter so that, together, you can find common ground. And that space can be anywhere–at home, at work, in public, or even in a political arena.
The simple act of listening and validating has an incredibly powerful ripple effect. For starters, the other person feels seen and heard. We learn to put aside our fighting words (like “always” or “never”), exercise self-control, and become more empathetic to others. We become less focused on who’s right or wrong and more concerned about respecting each other’s differences, which enables us to build trust and, drumroll please, resolve conflict!
As a result, our relationships improve. Our confidence increases. We are empowered. We feel valued, and our self-worth skyrockets.
Sounds pretty amazing, right?
One more thing. Validating someone does not mean agreeing with them. And that’s alright!
That’s really the beauty of validation. It allows us to truly hear and acknowledge what someone else is saying without any pressure to agree with what is being said. It’s like built-in permission to agree to disagree. And that will allow us to move forward and begin to build unity in this beautiful country of ours.
By the way, “Listen and Validate” is just one of the Kee Concepts of Communication, six proven tools that have evolved organically through my work counseling children and families for more than 40 years. The concepts not only guide my interactions and build trust with my patients, but they also teach them how to navigate complicated emotions, challenging situations, and everyday interactions of their own. I’ll be back next month to share more!
Kee Dunning is a distinguished licensed clinical professional counselor, acclaimed speaker, educator, and owner of Dunning Counseling and Consulting in Billings, Montana. She is also the founder of KEESTONE Communication (keestonecommunication.org), a nonprofit organization with a mission to foster a kinder and more respectful world by empowering others through effective communication. She writes a monthly column for the Daily Montanan.
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