Key events
42 min “With no parallels to be drawn with my own life I wonder if a team has ever just realised the pointlessness of it all mid-match?” says Niall Mullen. “At some stage the sheer triviality of the endeavour juxtaposed with the intense pressure surrounding it must punch them in the solar plexus. There must be a chance that at least one player would go all Richie Tenenbaum.”
That’s seventy-two misplaced passes from Rob Smyth…
41 min “Where’s your famous atmosphere?” enquire the City fans. Gundogan plays an excellent through pass to Haaland, who gets away from Burn on the edge of the area but leaves the ball behind him. City could have scored three in the last 10 minutes.
40 min: Chance for City! A dreadful pass from Pope goes straight to Gundogan, who has a two on one with Haaland to his left. Gundogan tries to chip Pope from about 40 yards but completely underhits it.
39 min Haaland’s wound was created when he ragdolled Burn, whose studs went into Haaland’s Achilles as he fell.
38 min “On Ederson’s backheel, this is just a routine league game,” writes S McInally. “What about doing it in a European Cup final?”
Blimey, that’s great, I’ve never seen it before.
37 min Haaland has a cut on his Achilles, for which he received a bit of treatment after the goal. He’s playing on for now and has just headed a corner away at the near post.
Grealish lost Trippier on the left and slipped an early pass into Gvardiol in the area. He cut inside Burn, who expected the first-time shot, and slid a careful right-footed shot across Pope. It took a slight touch off Tonali but I think it was going in anyway, and the coolness with which he beat Burn was exemplary.
GOAL! Newcastle 0-1 Man City (Gvardiol 35)
Josko Gvardiol finishes like Lionel Messi to give City the lead!
34 min “Much like their rivals Liverpool, who dislike the 12.30 Slot, City’s seeming lethargy today suggests they’re in need of a Pep up,” says Jeremy Boyce. “Ptishhhh… Is he still in his seat or throwing some shapes in the technical area? I’ll get my coat…”
We haven’t seen him for a while. I’d love to hear his internal monologue because City have been well short of his standards.
32 min Guimaraes wipes out Gundogan and is booked.
32 min Not much of a game, this.
29 min “The way this match is progressing, I see a first goal by Newcastle which will wake City up,” says Krishnamoorthy V. “Final score: Newcastle 1-4 City.”
28 min A better ball from Bernardo, threaded towards the far post, is put behind by Trippier. That was a crucial touch because Haaland – who had ragdolled Dan Burn earlier in the move – was waiting behind him to score.
27 min Bernardo Silva’s pass is behind Gundogan on the edge of the area, which means his first-time shot hits his standing foot and goes well wide.
27 min “Have City only named eight subs,” says Richard Hirst, “or has the Grauniad failed to list one of them?”
Woe is City.
26 min Schar is booked for a tactical foul on Grealish.
25 min A Newcastle corner brushes the head of Haaland at the near post, hits Grealish and goes behind for another. Newcastle have a big physical advantage on corners: Lewis is marking Joelinton, Bernardo Silva is on Dan Burn.
23 min City aren’t really at the races. Maybe it’s a 12.30 thing. I should stress that Ederson hasn’t had a save to make either, so they’re not exactly all over the show, but Newcastle do look more threatening.
19 min Newcastle are having a good spell and City look a bit lethargic. Gvardiol has just had his collar felt for a foul throw, which doesn’t happen often a City player.
16 min Kieran Trippier has changed his right boot, which means he’s now wearing odd boots. Well flippin’ futile.
14 min Newcastle break promisingly, only for Barnes to overhit his pass to the overlapping Joelinton. They do look a threat going forward, particularly in transition, and moments later Trippier’s fierce shot flattens Grealish. It hit him right in the breadbasket.
13 min City’s passing so far has been very deliberate, arguably to a fault. I guess it’s all credit in the bank for the last 10-15 minutes of the game.
11 min “City clearly not on it today; Fulham were one up against Newcastle by now,” says Richard Hirst. “Bodes well for us against City next week (yes, I’m currently eating funky French cheese for lunch!).”
Fulham are looking good aren’t they? So nice to see Emile Smith Rowe and Raul Jimenez doing well.
10 min Ederson is challenged by Gordon 30 yards from goal and plays the most nonchalant backheel to Kyle Walker. Tremendous scenes.
8 min City’s formation is closer to 4-1-4-1/4-1-2-3, with Kovacic the deepest midfielder. Lewis is forward to the right, Gundogan to the left.
7 min City are starting to control the game, as you’d expect. Gundogan plays a simple pass into Haaland, whose shot on the turn is comfortably saved by Pope.
5 min Grealish teases his man and lays the ball back to Akanji on the edge of the area. His shot deflects behind off Tonali.
4 min Grealish cuts inside Trippier and hits a shot that is headed away by Schar. Pep is already chuntering away to his grinning assistant, not sure why.
2 min Schar sprays a terrific long pass out to Trippier, who loses Gvardiol on the edge of the area. Ederson comes out to dive at his feet.
1 min Peep peep! Newcastle kick off from left to right as we watch, and Harvey Barnes has a shot blocked inside 25 seconds.
A reminder of the teams
Newcastle (4-3-3) Pope; Trippier, Schar, Burn, Hall; Tonali, Guimaraes, Joelinton; J Murphy, Gordon, Barnes.
Substitutes: Dubravka, Krafth, Osula, Livramento, Almiron, Kelly, Willock, Longstaff, A Murphy.
Man City (4-2-3-1) Ederson; Walker, Dias, Akanji, Gvardiol; Lewis, Kovacic; Bernardo, Gundogan, Grealish; Haaland.
Substitutes: Ortega Moreno, Carson, Stones, Doku, Savinho, Nunes, Foden, McAtee.
Referee Jarred Gillett.
“G’day Rob,” writes Chris Paraskevas, our Australia Newcastle correspondent. “Hope you’re well. Firstly, I hope Darren Eales gets better. No popcorn and no kale chips tonight: I’ve been on an MSG/chilli sauce/French fries binge from around midday, and there’s a melted M&M McFlurry (with a flake and caramel topping) being salvaged in the freezer.
“There is definitely something to winning points when playing badly, but since the fourth place finish, some Newcastle ‘stars’ have seemed weighed down rather than galvanised. Oasis Breakup Reboot FC are the last team you want rolling into toon at a time when things aren’t clicking.
“Early days in the season but nonetheless, some red flags appearing on and off the pitch…”
This business with Paul Mitchell and Eddie Howe sounds a bit weird. Not sure how that can end with everyone enjoying milk and cookies.
“I had a dream for two nights running that Kyle Walker is going to have a nightmare game against Newcastle,” writes David Bronstein. “Visions of an own goal and or a red card. You heard it here first.”
Have you been on the funky cheese again?
He’s on the bench today. Cheers, Pep.
2 February 2025, 4.30pm (probably)
Team news
Three changes for Newcastle from last weekend’s defeat at Fulham. Lewis Hall, Sandro Tonali (starting his first Premier League game in a year) and Jacob Murphy replace Lloyd Kelly, Joe Willock and the injured Alexander Isak.
Pep Guardiola has picked two players to replace Rodri, with Rico Lewis and Mateo Kovacic coming into midfield. Jack Grealish also starts after creating the equaliser against Arsenal last weekend. Savinho and Jeremy Doku are on the bench.
Your City line-up for #NEWMCI 🩵
XI | Ederson, Walker (C), Akanji, Dias, Gvardiol, Lewis, Kovacic, Gundogan, Bernardo, Grealish, Haaland
SUBS | Ortega Moreno, Carson, Stones, Doku, Savinho, Nunes, Foden, McAtee#ManCity | @etihad pic.twitter.com/YY6nl1uYYE
— Manchester City (@ManCity) September 28, 2024
Preamble
Hello and welcome to Life Without Rodri, a real-time existential play involving an association football club called Manchester City. They will be without the world’s most influential player (arguably, but I don’t want an argument so channel it elsewhere please) for the rest of the season, starting today with an awkward trip to St James’ Park. Have the popcorn/kale chips at the ready.
Kick-off: 12.30pm BST
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